Home » APEX Leadership Coaching Blog » What Rules are Holding You Back?

What Rules are Holding You Back?

 

 

Each of us have been given and have created rules by which we live our lives – whether we recognize them or not.

They can be rules like:

  • I must eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day (we learned this from the Surgeon General)
  • I will never be financially secure (our mistakes with the credit card companies)
  • I have to do everything on my own, no one will help me (someone let us down)

Our brains are fabulous. 90% of our brain is our subconscious and unconscious, and we have trained it with all of these rules we have said to it over the years. Because of this training (reinforcing the rules through saying it repeatedly), our brain “helps us” by looking for situations in which to prove our rules are true.

So, even though we don’t want to believe our rules, such as I will never be financially secure, we keep sliding back into that behavior that helps perpetuate us continually being in debt – because our brain is subconsciously giving us opportunities to be in debt and giving us the excuses to do it! “Oh well, I’ve been doing so well on paying down my credit cards, one little purchase won’t hurt.” And then a week later you’ve maxed out your card again and you don’t know how it happened!

Let’s stop the unconscious living of our lives and step into intentionality and clarity! Here are 4 steps to more conscious living:

First – Old Rules. Write down some of the old rules that are holding you back. Get a list of at least 4 or 5 to start with (we live with hundreds going on in our brains, so it will take a while to ferret out the ones we choose NOT to live by anymore!).

Second – Determine. Now look at each rule and decide whether you want to keep it, change it, or eliminate it.

  • If you decide to keep the rule, just know that you will continue to face whatever consequences or opportunities that arise out of the rule. Sometimes we aren’t ready to face changing them, so it’s perfectly normal to say, “I can’t change this rule yet.” You can come back to this one later after success with some other rule shifts.
  • If you choose to change the rule, how would you like the rule to read instead? Instead of I will never be financially secure, you may say something like: I have financial abundance. The key here is that the new rule must be as strong and powerful as the old rule, or the old rule will eventually win out.
  • If you choose to eliminate the rule all together, you must fill it with something else. As you know, the world abhors a vacuum. If you don’t fill it with something positive, something else will fill its place – and/or the old rule will see there’s still room for it and just move back in. So, what new rule do you want to live by?

Third, now take that new rule and parse it down even further into a 3 or 4 word I AM statement. For example, with the new rule of I have financial abundance, your new I AM statement may be … I AM Abundance!

For all three of these steps, make sure they are words that resonate truth with you – both the old rules and the new rules. Whether you believe the new rules or not yet, do they still ring true? If not quite yet, keep working on the wording until you say, “YES, that’s me!” (or “that will be me once I make it habit!”)

Fourth, write out/print out your new I AM statements and your new rules and put them where you can see them and say them out loud every day. Research shows that it takes 66 days (not 21) to turn a new habit into part of who you are (subconscious thought vs conscious thought). For 66 days you will say each of these I AM statements and the rules out loud. You are retraining your brain that THESE are the new rules you live by. And eventually you will see that your brain will give you new opportunities to prove these new rules are true.

Share some of your new rules and I AM statements with us. We would love to hear them!