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Author: Sandi Mitchell

Emotional Intelligence Skills – Self-Regard #1

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. It reminds us that we have choice, we have control over our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

People who decide they like who they are, the way they are, warts and all, these are the people who can succeed in many areas of their lives. Why? Because they have a healthy self-regard – that ability to respect yourself, accept yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses. This emotional intelligence skill tends to be associated with feelings of self-worth, self-confidence, inner strength, belief in yourself and your capabilities.

How can you get there? Here are 8 questions for you to reflect on to increase your usage of this emotional intelligence skill of self-regard.

Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them. ~ T. Harv Eker

  • What are my top professional and/or personal goals for the next 12 months? Which one is the biggest goal?
  • If I knew I could not fail in a BHAG (a big, hairy audacious goal) of mine, what is the first thing I would do?
  • Why is this goal important to me?
  • What does it look like when I achieve this goal? Be specific in the details (where am I, who is there, what am I doing, – the more specific you are the easier it is for your mind to see it when opportunities to achieve it start coming your way).
  • If I knew I could not fail in a BHAG (a big, hairy audacious goal) of mine, what is the first thing I would do?
  • How can I use my strengths to achieve more of my goals?
  • How can I overcome my weaknesses on the way to achieving my goals?
  • What is the bravest thing I could do right now to move toward my BHAG?

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~ Dale Carnegie

Be brave. Look honestly at yourself and recognize both your strengths and weaknesses. Good leaders have good self-regard. Who wants to follow a leader who doesn’t believe in themselves?

Another self-affirming exercise you can do is to look at your list of strengths and pick your greatest strength. Write it at the top of a new piece of paper. Every night this week write down at least one thing that shows how this strength has helped you in various situations during the day. This will bring your focus onto this strength, growing your confidence in this area, and your awareness of how often you use it. Your self-regard will grow as you become more aware of your strengths!

For information on leadership, Emotional Intelligence & Negotiations, Strengthening your Inner Genius, Hiring the Golden Unicorn, or any of our programs, call us at 682.200.1412 or go to http://www.apexmastery.com/

For the next skill in the Emotional Intelligence series – Self-Actualization, click here.

Being Bold!

Fortune favors the bold.
~ Virgil.

 

Have you ever set a BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) that scared the baheebees out of you … but you did it anyway? That’s what I’m doing this year – becoming a published author. I’ve been a featured author in The Change book series and now I want my own book. My area of focus is on coach centric, emotionally intelligent leadership. There’s so much out there now and my Inner Critics have been having a field day, screaming “What if you fail?!”

However, I teach how to Strengthen Your Inner Genius, so in utilizing some of the tools I teach, my Inner Genius said to Be Bold!

I believe being bold is a skill leaders must master.

Bold people are easy to spot. They are confident and believe in themselves and their dreams. We all have boldness in us – really! I believe that when the time comes, the bold step up instead of stepping back. Think of Alek Skarlatos, one of three Americans who courageously took down a gunman aboard a high-speed train in France. Or Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani school girl who stood up to the Taliban by being an advocate for girls to go to school, was shot in the head, and upon recovery became a global advocate, winng a Nobel Peace Prize. Or Rosa Parks, the African American woman who refused to give up her seat on a bus for a white man in 1955, sparking the beginning of the non-violent mass protests in support of civil rights. All of these were “average” people just living their lives. Then they came upon a situation in which they could have ceded power to the stronger or stood up for what was right. Instead, they chose to be bold.

Here’s 7 steps of how you, too, can be bold.

  1. North Star. Knowing your vision, goals, and priorities are vital for a bold leader. If you aren’t clear on your path then your focus is distracted. Don’t get distracted by the unimportant tasks or the shiny object syndrome. Instead, get clarity on your direction and seek those opportunities that will propel you forward to success.
  2. Self-Awareness. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses is crucial for a bold leader. Leaders need to consistently develop themselves, assess their skills, and find people to surround them who have strengths in the leader’s weaknesses. Don’t try to hide your problems or failures – own them. To be bolder, become more self-aware. Where are your weaknesses? Who on your team has strengths in those areas so you can focus on your areas of strength and together your team is stronger?
  3. Be Assertive. Leaders who are bold don’t let fear or their Inner Critics hold their tongue. No! They speak up and voice their opinions and thoughts. Bold leaders know their thoughts have great weight and power so they choose when to speak up, when to use the tool of silence, and when to encourage others to speak up.
  4. Be Decisive. Bold leaders are able to gather information, assess, make a decision, and act quickly. They’re not rash. Instead they research, conduct due diligence, and act. This increases not only the leader’s confidence, but the team’s confidence in the leader – not to mention increasing the number of success! Boldness is the opposite of hesitation. Stop hesitating … decide and act.
  5. Build Momentum. Bold leaders see there are opportunities everywhere. They look for the smaller wins while the big opportunity is coming their way. They step up and take action where others see “stinker” projects. They build a foundation of solid wins so when the bigger opportunities come, they have the experience, wisdom, and a team who is aligned to ensure success. They build their reputation and confidence on the consistency of their wins. They seek opportunities and conquer them.
  6. Stress Tolerance. Many people let stress and failure stop them in their tracks. However, bold leaders realize failure is simply a learning opportunity. They believe in failing forward. As Thomas Edison said, “I didn’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.” Use risk to your advantage. Make failure an acceptable part of your process. Teach your team how to mitigate risks so failures are more missteps than catastrophes. Then teach them to learn from the failure and use it as a step toward greater rewards next time.
  7. Say No. Be willing to say no when you should. Whether the request is out of alignment with your values, or it takes you off the path for your vision, or it’s simply a bad idea. Be direct with respect, not polite and vague. Say what you mean. “Thank you, but I must say no.” You don’t have to make up an excuse or explain your reasons. We teach people how to respond and treat us. When you treat yourself and others with respect and honesty, they will reciprocate. If you do say yes, though, make sure you deliver what you promise. When you follow through, you earn people’s trust. And trust is important when you’re leading a team.

Are you ready to be bolder? What’s one thing you’re going to do this week to be bold? Step up!

To our success!

 

For information on leadership, Emotional Intelligence & Negotiations, Strengthening your Inner Genius, Hiring the Golden Unicorn, or any of our programs, call us at 682.200.1412 or go to http://www.apexmastery.com/

Being Fearless!

Once you become fearless, life becomes limitless.

~ Author Unknown.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in his first inaugural address that, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

We all face fear. It’s just part of our world. Being fearless doesn’t imagine a world where fear doesn’t exist. No. Instead, being fearless means understanding what fear is to you, and how you can manage it so that it is not a stumbling block to your success.

Fear is only in our mind.

In the 16th century, French philosopher Michel de Montaigne said, “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”

How many of your fears have ever come true?

There is a study that revealed almost 85% of what people worry about never occurred. And with the 15 percent that did come true, 79% of the people discovered they could either handle the difficulty better than they expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97% of what you worry over is simply your fearful mind punishing you with assumptions, interpretations, limiting beliefs, exaggerations, and misperceptions.

So, what can we do? Here are 6 steps you can take to decrease your fear and increase your fearlessness:

  1. Notice your triggers. Become aware of when you experience feelings of fear. We all have triggers that remind us of our fears and failures. The best thing to do is to quickly Identify them. You may not be able to avoid the triggers, but you can choose how you react in the moment. What areas in your life are triggers for your fear? Where can you make a course correction today?
  2. Be present. There is a lot of discussion around the word “mindfulness” lately. Basically it means being present so you can fully experience what is right in front of you. As soon as you begin living in the past or worrying about the future, you’ve left the present. Remember, 85% of what we fear never happens. And you can handle 97% of what does come your way. That’s pretty good odds! So, simply focus on the moment at hand. What can you do right now? As Oprah says, “What is the next right choice?”
  3. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I do this?” And then, my favorite question, “And then what?” Most people stop at the worst thing, so they become even more fearful and they retreat back to their comfort zone. Instead, write down some different ways you can deal with the worst case scenario. By asking “And then what?” you begin to think about how you can come out on the other side. You begin to see you may be capable of more than you thought.
  4. Mind Shift to Excitement. You know when you’re called on to give a speech and your heart is pumping like crazy, your palms are sweaty, and you have tunnel vision? You may call that fear, but people who are fearless see the exact same scenario as exciting. Your brain can’t tell the difference between real fear or perceived fear. It doesn’t know that your getting a promotion is a good thing, not something to be afraid of! And your body reacts the same way to good news that propels you out of your comfort zone the same as it does when you have bad news. Your body is ready for fight or flight whether you’re excited or fearful. The difference is in how you choose to interpret it. Will you react (fight or flight) or will you respond (consciously recognizing what is good and using that stumbling block as a stepping stone instead)? Reframe those triggers to look at the situation from a perspective of excitement instead of fearfulness.
  5. “No” is merely feedback. Being told “no” throws many of us into a state of fear or worry. Then our Inner Critics start up with the “I must be unworthy,” “I knew I wasn’t good enough,” and more soul-crushing thoughts. If you allow them, these thoughts can play into your fear. Instead, reframe again, and think about the “no” as feedback on how you handled the situation. Fearless people think through what they could do differently in order to find a new way to approach the situation or the other person. So ask yourself, “What could I do to make this ‘no’ a possibility?” Learn from the situations, seek feedback and input from others, determine how you might be able to get a different outcome the next time. Fearful people see “no” as a destination. Fearless people see “no” as an opportunity to learn something different.
  6. Celebrate the breakthrough and stay the course. When you are fearless in an area, a conversation, a problem you’re having – celebrate being bold. Acknowledge your fearlessness. You’ve taken a step toward a more fearless vs fearful living. That’s a beautiful step! Then stay the course. Keep up the good work. Know that you may slip back into a little fearfulness and that’s ok. Recognize the slip and determine how you want to build up the fearlessness again. When you focus on others your mind moves out of fearfulness. So volunteer somewhere, send a sick friend a funny card, see how you can help someone else and get your mind off your fear.

I have a mentor who says that we should fail every day. It’s not really about the failure at all. It’s about trying something you’re scared to do. The more you do that, the more you are building your fearlessness muscle, and the easier it is to bounce out of fearfulness when you find yourself there.

Are you ready to try being fearless? What’s one thing you’re going to do this week in which you could fail? And then what?

To our success!

 

For information on leadership, Emotional Intelligence & Negotiations, Strengthening your Inner Genius, Hiring the Golden Unicorns, or any of our programs, call us at 682.200.1412 or go to http://www.apexmastery.com/

Let Freedom Ring!

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”
~ Colin Powell

 

My nephew, Geoff Germaine, is headed to the Army’s LDAC (Leadership Development and Assessment Course) today. And I am so proud of him!

From the time he was little he wanted to be in the military. When he was three I bought him a NASA flight suit and he wouldn’t take it off! His grandfather was in the Navy and great-grandfather was in the Army during WWII.

The Army is intentional about training up leaders in a way that instills pride, confidence, and competence. LDAC is a concentrated 29 days and it focuses on experiential learning, not simply theoretical. It got me thinking about the leadership training we provide our leaders in the corporate world.

I work primarily with leaders in technology, engineering, those “left-brained” focused industries. And what I have found is that in school and on the job they are given exponential opportunities to learn how to be technically proficient – with minimal, if any, training to be a leader.

So my job has been to come in and help these technically-proficient managers understand what it means to be a leader:

  • To move from being an individual contributor to the “go to” person for their team’s dreams and dramas.
  • To understand how to expand their emotional intelligence as that is what will help them succeed in management, much more than technical skill will.
  • To be able to communicate in a way that is clear, concise, and compelling rather than detail-laden.
  • To inspire and influence even when you don’t have the authority.
  • To know that a title does not give you power … only your team can do that for you.

And so much more!

I think there are 3 keys to early success for our next generation of leaders.

  1. Teach the importance of communication.
    We are a world of 7 billion people now. As a leader you must be able to communicate, influence, and collaborate effectively. It’s not enough merely being able to learn or know the facts and figures, but it’s understanding how to tell the stories around them that helps a leader’s success.
  2. Teach understanding of emotional intelligence.
    Once you get that first management titles, your emotional intelligence skills must immediately zoom past your technical skills. What does that look like for a leader? Being able to identify and manage your emotions in any given situation. Being able to respond in a way that encourages alignment and collaboration rather than defensive walls being built against you. Understanding your team members’ emotions and influencing them to manage the emotions in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Being able to solve problems using emotions appropriately rather than denying them or letting them take over the process. Seeking facts rather than relying on assumptions, and so much more.
  3. Create “fail forward” cultures.
    In the Army’s LDAC, each candidate is given an opportunity to lead, are then assessed on how they did, and given feedback on how they could have done it better, differently. They practice in safe situations that feel real so that when they are on the battlefield or in the boardroom they know how to lead effectively. Give our new hires an opportunity to practice their leadership in safe “fail forward” (from management guru John Maxwell) situations where they can learn before we need them to step up with confidence and competence.

Several companies I have worked at and now work with focus their leadership training just on those who are already leaders. And that is important – absolutely – to keep honing our leaders. And it is just as important to begin seeking out those who are potential leaders and giving those opportunities to lead before being given the title. We want them to succeed when they become our next wave of leaders. Let us give them the tools and skills now to prepare them for success. It helps them in the future, and it helps them now by being even stronger team members.

Good luck, Geoff. Thank you and with all the men and women in our military for stepping up and protecting our freedom.

For information on leadership, Hiring the Golden Unicorns, Emotional Intelligence & Negotiations, Strengthening your Inner Genius, or any of our programs, call us at 682.200.1412 or go to http://www.apexmastery.com/

Are You Ready for Some Help? Hire a VA!

When I meet successful people I ask 100 questions as to what they attribute their success to. It is usually the same: persistence, hard work and hiring good people.

~ Kiana Tom

I’ve been swamped at work and realized I need to give up some control and get some help – STAT!

Here’s what I did: I first made a list of everything I needed to do and should do in the next three to five days. Highlighted the things I really love doing – they’re my passion. Second, highlighted (different color) those things not highlighted yet that I believed only I could do. Third, highlighted anything else I wanted to do – I’m good at it and it’s revenue-generating. Fourth, everything that’s left over, outsource.

So, I began a search for a virtual assistant (VA). I found there are more things someone remote could do for me than I thought. And, it turns out, more than one VA can do as well. Here are the six areas I found that make the most sense for an entrepreneur to think about getting the help needed. You can start with one and build from there.

  • Virtual Assistant – a VA can help with:
    • Sales – automating the processes for follow up of all those business cards you’ve collected; data mining for potential clients and speaking engagements; connecting you to prospects on social media
    • email marketing & management – maintaining lists in email marketing software (i.e., MailChimp); creating and sending out newsletters; sending clients thank you’s, birthday and anniversary greetings; email and calendar management
    • File storage & organization – organizing file storage (i.e., Dropbox, Evernote); database building (updating email/contact lists on CRM – ACT, SalesForce)
    • Online research – researching trends and topics for blog posts and newsletters; researching competitors and the industry; research for best vendors (banks, credit card processing companies)
    • Administrative tasks – travel arrangements; online shopping; transcribing (voicemails, podcasts); recruiting for new team members needed; being the liaison and trainer for new team members; event planning; listen to webinars and write summaries; send your products to online buyers
  • Audio Visual Editor – an AV Editor can create your podcasts and videos; add intro’s and outro’s; create and update YouTube account; add videos into blogs
  • Bookkeeper – they can send client invoices; payroll; reconcile bank accounts and credit card statements in accounting system (QuickBooks, Xero); accounts receivable and accounts payable; tax preparation to turn over to accountant. Be diligent in watching the information. This is your company. Don’t rely so heavily on someone that you don’t pay attention. Get annual, quarterly, monthly reports. I check at least weekly and sometimes more often. I know my numbers – do you?
  • Graphic Designer – they can design all your social media buttons, banners, and social media sites; design your logo(s), infographics, landing and opt-in pages, and eBook covers
  • SEO Web Marketer/Web Designer – typically the same person can design your website and then do the analytics on it; create plugins for your payment gateway integration; site maintenance and security protection (especially if they host your site)
  • Social Media Marketing – this person can manage all your social media accounts (HootSuite, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter); ensures consistency by scheduling posts each day, for the week or month; promotes posts; accepts requests and thanks people for connecting; comment moderator

I have all six of these people now and we’re forming a well-oiled team. I am beginning to see that my time can be spent on things that matter to me and the business from a big picture standpoint. And my wonderful team spends time on the things that must be done to ensure the daily business is done well.

How have you been successful (or unsuccessful) at utilizing VA’s and other consultants on your team? Share with us!

For information on leadership, Hiring the Golden Unicorns, Emotional Intelligence & Negotiations, Strengthening your Inner Genius, or any of our programs, call us at 682.200.1412 or go to http://www.apexmastery.com/