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The Power of Your Mind

A few weeks ago I wrote about What Rules are Holding You Back? because I was using this tool with a few of my clients who seemed stuck. And in the sessions they seemed to get these huge Ah Ha’s – so I wanted to share with you.

I said that 90% of our brains are the subconscious (and unconscious) that accept what we tell it about ourselves (whether we tell it positive or negative things) and then the brain looks for opportunities to prove those things to be true.

This week one of my clients told me she feels fabulous and hasn’t felt like this in years … all because she has taken this exercise we did and internalized it. She has given me permission to write this – and I think it may help you see the power of your mind and this simple process!

Here were a few of her Old Rules:

  • I can’t be anything more than an assistant (even though I have a masters degree)
  • I won’t be successful because I’ve made too many mistakes and I need to pay for it.
  • I’ll never be a good parent.

Can you resonate with any of these?

We looked over them and she had the choice of keeping them, changing them, or creating new rules to take the place of the old rules.

Here are her New Rules:

  • I am creating and envisioning a new way to make a living.
  • I am successful because I recognize my strengths and gifts.
  • My child is beautiful, awesome, strong and I shaped his mind and moral compass.

How powerful are these statements?!

Then we made the New Rules into I AM statements because your brain believes what you tell it I AM. So she said:


Look at the previous blog with the instructions and do these yourself. You will be astounded at the power of your mind to give you what you focus on! Then say the I AM statements and the New Rules daily (multiple times a day accelerates the process) for at least 66 days so they are ingrained in your subconscious mind and they ARE WHO YOU ARE. They are more than just words at that point – they are THE TRUTH.

Here are some of the statements she told me today – just 2 weeks of saying these new truths to herself:

  • I have processed these rules so thoroughly that I feel like a new person! I’ve claimed who I am!
  • Life isn’t perfect, but I realize now that everything that is lacking are simply things I haven’t done yet. It’s not a flaw anymore. It’s a whole different approach to how I see myself and what I am capable of doing. I am going forward with happiness!
  • I had such a weight on my shoulders I feel like I’ve lost 50 pounds by not carrying around the incredibly heavy burden of junk.

Are you carrying around an incredibly heavy burden of junk? Are you ready for lifting that unnecessary burden from your shoulders? Go through this process and be willing to change how you see yourself. And if you want someone to go through it with you, who can ask you the questions that will help you go deeper, please contact us at Info@ApexLeadershipCoaching.com for a one-time $99 investment in changing your life.

As a Leader How Self-Aware are You?

You’re walking down the hall fuming because your boss just yelled at you … again. One of your employees pops up with a question they’ve asked three times before. How do you respond?

Do you blow up at them? Do you ignore them? Do you stop, pause, and respond?

IQ used to be the measuring stick of how well people would succeed in business. However, since Daniel Goleman’s work in Emotional Intelligence (EQ), research now shows that IQ only contributes about 20% of our success factors. Much of the rest of it is EQ!

Dr. Goleman asserted that “The criteria for success at work are changing. We are being judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other. This yardstick is increasingly applied in choosing who will be hired and who will not, who will be let go and who retained, who passed over and who promoted…”

Let’s talk about how we can begin to: Understand the needs and feeling of ourselves and other people; Manage our own feelings; and Respond to others in appropriate ways. This, by the way, is the definition of “Emotional Intelligence” (EQ).

To understand more about Understanding, Managing, and Responding with Emotional Intelligence, check out the blog I wrote for Plaid for Women recently. You can also listen to a radio show I did for Plaid for Women Radio expanding on the topic.

Share some of your emotionally intelligent experiences with us. We would love to hear them!

What Rules are Holding You Back?



Each of us have been given and have created rules by which we live our lives – whether we recognize them or not.

They can be rules like:

  • I must eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day (we learned this from the Surgeon General)
  • I will never be financially secure (our mistakes with the credit card companies)
  • I have to do everything on my own, no one will help me (someone let us down)

Our brains are fabulous. 90% of our brain is our subconscious and unconscious, and we have trained it with all of these rules we have said to it over the years. Because of this training (reinforcing the rules through saying it repeatedly), our brain “helps us” by looking for situations in which to prove our rules are true.

So, even though we don’t want to believe our rules, such as I will never be financially secure, we keep sliding back into that behavior that helps perpetuate us continually being in debt – because our brain is subconsciously giving us opportunities to be in debt and giving us the excuses to do it! “Oh well, I’ve been doing so well on paying down my credit cards, one little purchase won’t hurt.” And then a week later you’ve maxed out your card again and you don’t know how it happened!

Let’s stop the unconscious living of our lives and step into intentionality and clarity! Here are 4 steps to more conscious living:

First – Old Rules. Write down some of the old rules that are holding you back. Get a list of at least 4 or 5 to start with (we live with hundreds going on in our brains, so it will take a while to ferret out the ones we choose NOT to live by anymore!).

Second – Determine. Now look at each rule and decide whether you want to keep it, change it, or eliminate it.

  • If you decide to keep the rule, just know that you will continue to face whatever consequences or opportunities that arise out of the rule. Sometimes we aren’t ready to face changing them, so it’s perfectly normal to say, “I can’t change this rule yet.” You can come back to this one later after success with some other rule shifts.
  • If you choose to change the rule, how would you like the rule to read instead? Instead of I will never be financially secure, you may say something like: I have financial abundance. The key here is that the new rule must be as strong and powerful as the old rule, or the old rule will eventually win out.
  • If you choose to eliminate the rule all together, you must fill it with something else. As you know, the world abhors a vacuum. If you don’t fill it with something positive, something else will fill its place – and/or the old rule will see there’s still room for it and just move back in. So, what new rule do you want to live by?

Third, now take that new rule and parse it down even further into a 3 or 4 word I AM statement. For example, with the new rule of I have financial abundance, your new I AM statement may be … I AM Abundance!

For all three of these steps, make sure they are words that resonate truth with you – both the old rules and the new rules. Whether you believe the new rules or not yet, do they still ring true? If not quite yet, keep working on the wording until you say, “YES, that’s me!” (or “that will be me once I make it habit!”)

Fourth, write out/print out your new I AM statements and your new rules and put them where you can see them and say them out loud every day. Research shows that it takes 66 days (not 21) to turn a new habit into part of who you are (subconscious thought vs conscious thought). For 66 days you will say each of these I AM statements and the rules out loud. You are retraining your brain that THESE are the new rules you live by. And eventually you will see that your brain will give you new opportunities to prove these new rules are true.

Share some of your new rules and I AM statements with us. We would love to hear them!